Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Where are you?
For my son's first Christmas, he was only 2 months old. In fine new mom fashion, i made him wear a silly outfit complete with holiday cap. He spent most of his time in the most awesome swing ever. one of the side effects of the swinging motion was that his hat was over his eyes for 84.926% of the time. While i am sure his christmas was lacking visual stimulation, it was rather amusing for us.
***Disclaimer, i was gonna put pics on here but i cant find them on the computer***
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Geography 101
When i was a kid, waiting for the mailman at Christmas time was a favorite past time of mine. He was like an everyday Santa, he brought beautiful cards from the far corners of the world, packages from relatives unable to be there and every parents nightmare, THE BIG TOY BOOK.
Now, i am sure all of you taken a geography course at some point in your lives. My family from the Boston area ALWAYS sent gifts out to us in the San Francisco area.
I opened my one gift early and i received a USC Trojans Sweatshirt. Now at this age i would understand, but at the age of 10 (and geographically challenged) I was very confused. I asked my grandma why and she said cause to our family in Ma, California is California with no distinction between Northern and Southern. Well any Californian can tell you there is a HUGE difference.
I think my grandma still blames them for my move down south....lol
Merry Christmas
Now, i am sure all of you taken a geography course at some point in your lives. My family from the Boston area ALWAYS sent gifts out to us in the San Francisco area.
I opened my one gift early and i received a USC Trojans Sweatshirt. Now at this age i would understand, but at the age of 10 (and geographically challenged) I was very confused. I asked my grandma why and she said cause to our family in Ma, California is California with no distinction between Northern and Southern. Well any Californian can tell you there is a HUGE difference.
I think my grandma still blames them for my move down south....lol
Merry Christmas
Monday, December 3, 2007
Waiting for December
One of the things I waited for, as a child, the most, was December. December meant Christmas lights (will be another post for another day...lol), Santa hats, Sleigh Bells and Decorations.
One year my mother made these as gift for several relatives, but what made that even more special than they already were was the fact she put little touches in and on each one that corresponded with the recipient. For example, my Grams had the antlers (complete with unevenness that was there) over the fireplace. The rocking chair, the TV where the TV lived etc. Much thought and love was put into each house.
BUT WAIT....there's more. Not only was the house "built" with love. To take it one step further my Grams filled it with my all time favorite candies so when the roof was lifted to look at the optical treasure created INSIDE, there was candy too. What more could a girl want.
Thanks Mom AND Grams
At my Grams house, my favorite decoration that got put up was a Gingerbread House my mother made out of plastic canvas.
***Disclaimer...this is NOT the house she made but the only one i could find a picture of, hers was WAY better***
One year my mother made these as gift for several relatives, but what made that even more special than they already were was the fact she put little touches in and on each one that corresponded with the recipient. For example, my Grams had the antlers (complete with unevenness that was there) over the fireplace. The rocking chair, the TV where the TV lived etc. Much thought and love was put into each house.
BUT WAIT....there's more. Not only was the house "built" with love. To take it one step further my Grams filled it with my all time favorite candies so when the roof was lifted to look at the optical treasure created INSIDE, there was candy too. What more could a girl want.
Thanks Mom AND Grams
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Research is important
This is only kinda of a Christmas post (but it counts mom...lol)
Before you run out and get your child that pet they have been begging for, be sure to do your research. The story (that did NOT happen to me) will help illustrate my point.
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me."I'm serious, dad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute."She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged."Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm,you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."(You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence.
Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face.
Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned.
We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie...PRICELESS!
Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs
Merry Christmas Everyone
Before you run out and get your child that pet they have been begging for, be sure to do your research. The story (that did NOT happen to me) will help illustrate my point.
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me."I'm serious, dad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute."She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged."Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm,you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."(You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence.
Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face.
Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned.
We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie...PRICELESS!
Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs
Merry Christmas Everyone
Saturday, December 1, 2007
School of Hard Knocks
Ok, I was tagged by my mother..thanks mom..lol
Rules: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five.
I had to think a while about this but here we go. Mom is already offering one i would like/need
Survival Cooking: Nope, no bugs or odd crunchy things (hopefully). I'm just talking about everyday cooking. No one should learn, at the age of 18, that if you let spaghetti cook long enough, it will get fuzzy. This course would just cover the 5 things that most families eat ALL the time. There are restaurants for everything else.
so, now onto my classes:
Dr. DoLittle 101: No need for a degree in veterinary medicine here. This class is to teach the art of animal interaction. One should never lay on the ground and make prey noises and be surprised when the dog rips your face off. It seems that many people have forgotten how to approach or interact with animals and since they dont know, their children dont know.
911 101: After working as a dispatcher i REALLY wish this course was offered. To call into the EMERGENCY operator because you want to know if it is safe to drive from Amarillo to Tulia during the Tornado Watch is NOT acceptable. Nor is calling into report you are unhappy with the quality of the ILLEGAL drugs you just purchased.
Letting Go, It will be ok: No, this class will not help you get a psychology degree, but it will help you get rid of some of the clutter in your home. As a currently struggling self proclaimed pack rat, this course will offer techniques for classifying what one really needs to keep and what one merely keeps out of obligation or in my case the inability to let go.
Welfare for Dummies: This course is offered to those who CHOOSE welfare as their employer. This course will teach the true purpose of the welfare system. Please, sign up for this course if you breed for a higher check, use your food stamps for smokes or sell them for drug money or offer your WIC checks on CL(Craigs List for those that dont know) for ANYTHING other than the foods they are intended for.
Now....lets see who my victims, opps, choices, will be:
Pioneer Woman
RobCop
Megnificent
Jenny of MamaDrama
Cant wait to read y'alls answers
Rules: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five.
I had to think a while about this but here we go. Mom is already offering one i would like/need
Survival Cooking: Nope, no bugs or odd crunchy things (hopefully). I'm just talking about everyday cooking. No one should learn, at the age of 18, that if you let spaghetti cook long enough, it will get fuzzy. This course would just cover the 5 things that most families eat ALL the time. There are restaurants for everything else.
so, now onto my classes:
Dr. DoLittle 101: No need for a degree in veterinary medicine here. This class is to teach the art of animal interaction. One should never lay on the ground and make prey noises and be surprised when the dog rips your face off. It seems that many people have forgotten how to approach or interact with animals and since they dont know, their children dont know.
911 101: After working as a dispatcher i REALLY wish this course was offered. To call into the EMERGENCY operator because you want to know if it is safe to drive from Amarillo to Tulia during the Tornado Watch is NOT acceptable. Nor is calling into report you are unhappy with the quality of the ILLEGAL drugs you just purchased.
Letting Go, It will be ok: No, this class will not help you get a psychology degree, but it will help you get rid of some of the clutter in your home. As a currently struggling self proclaimed pack rat, this course will offer techniques for classifying what one really needs to keep and what one merely keeps out of obligation or in my case the inability to let go.
Welfare for Dummies: This course is offered to those who CHOOSE welfare as their employer. This course will teach the true purpose of the welfare system. Please, sign up for this course if you breed for a higher check, use your food stamps for smokes or sell them for drug money or offer your WIC checks on CL(Craigs List for those that dont know) for ANYTHING other than the foods they are intended for.
Now....lets see who my victims, opps, choices, will be:
Pioneer Woman
RobCop
Megnificent
Jenny of MamaDrama
Cant wait to read y'alls answers
Gift Giving
On this the 1st day of December i was given a gift from someone near and dear to me. Which got me thinking about gifts from Christmas' past. I think the nubmer one worst gift i have ever received was a Chia Pet head. It was truely hideous and gave me nightmares for years.....lol
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